For the LOVE of it

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a writer and an opera singer. When I was in my early twenties, I wanted to be a writer and a lawyer. By the time I finished University, I wanted to be a writer and a theologian. In my late twenties, I wanted to be a writer and a business woman. Now- at 31- I feel like I have it all…except that I still want to be a writer...

I don’t even care what I write about, or even if ever I get ever read by anyone. It is the simple act of putting pen finger to paper keypad that fascinates me, inspires me, and drives me. As an introvert, writing is how I process the world, emotionally and intellectually. It is how I make sense of the craziness in my life.

As such, I’m about to embark on a adventure for the second summer in a row.  Today marks the beginning of the Summer Blog Challenge.

31 posts. 31 days.

Sound relatively easy, right?

I promise you it isn’t.

In fact, it was one of the biggest challenges I gave myself last year. Finding the time, every day for a month, to sit down- alone with my computer- and dream up something even remotely interesting to write about was a definite feat.

But it was an amazing experience, and was well worth the time and occasional frustration.  I learned a lot about my writing habits, and about my likes, dislikes and loves when it comes to creative energy. I also loved reading the daily musings of my friends who participated in the challenge with me. I loved following their trains of thought, even when they sometimes derailed. Ultimately, it was a lot of fun. 

So I’ve committed myself to doing it again this year.

But I’m doing it entirely differently this time.

I’ve come a long way since last year.  I’ve taken a major step away from my professional life, and a major step towards becoming a better “me”.  I have refocused my energy and attention on projects that ignite my passion and bring me joy, and have stepped away from projects that drained me of my energy (and in some cases, of my will to live).

While I certainly can’t say that I’m any less busy, I somehow feel much calmer in my life. I spend what free time I have with the people I want to see, and engaging in conversations and activities that want to engage in.

I’ve ended some friendship- the vast majority with people whom I had known for less than a year, but with a few people that I had known seemingly forever and have simply found that we’ve lost all commonality. It’s been painful, but I’m learning that letting go is a part of life.  I am very blessed to be surrounded by amazing people, and- to put it bluntly- my ‘dance card’ is generally full.

At the same time, I am getting to know some ‘new’ people…slowly, but surely…and am excited for the prospect of the new things they can bring to my life.  These new friendships are coming to mean as much to me as many of my old ones and for that I am eternally grateful.

I am learning that I have a choice in how I choose to dispense with my energy.  This has been an extremely freeing revelation.

I know that this all may sound a self-involved.  Maybe it is. But it was a change that I needed to make, for my sake and for that of my family and friends.

Doing all this has required me to take a massive step “away”- mostly from social media, including blogging in general. I've missed it, but definitely needed the break.  And now I am ready to take baby steps back.  Which is where the summer blog challenge comes in.

Last year, I was committed to dedicating as many of my Summer Blog Challenge posts to business and business related topics.  I wanted to build my professional blog, and I do find the topics to be generally interesting.  However, I didn’t find this type of blogging to be fulfilling in the slightest. So this year, I’m taking a different strategy.

This year is all personal, all the time.  I want to reconnect with my mind and figure out what’s making me tick at this stage in my life. I want to go back to that feeling that first inspired me to want to write in the first place.  I want to remember what it was like to write, not for the ‘hell of it’…but rather, for the love of it.

And there will be no holds barred. I’m taking on some topics that have been nagging at me for months, many of which I have been too afraid to write about because of the controversy that might ensue.  At this stage in my life, I just don’t care. I’m writing for me. And that’s all that matters.

I've discovered the "delete comment" button, and I'm not afraid to use it. 

So for those who want to join me…welcome to my ramblings. I don’t promise poetry, but I do promise that I will do my best to be authentic, and maybe even occasionally interesting.

And on that note, I gotta dream up a topic for my first ‘real’ post. In my bed. Under the covers. While I sleep. 

See y’all tomorrow.