Just when I fool myself into thinking that I know everything, life hands me a few huge reminders that I am- contrary to my own popular belief- pretty damn unaware.
We’ve been on our staycation for seven hours. Here are seven things we’ve learnt so far:
1- Electric storms are infinitely cooler when observed, poolside from the 26th floor Penthouse.
2- Renting two new releases in your hotel room costs approximately me 34.00+tax. Renting all the porn you can possibly watch in a 24 hour period costs approximately 34.00+tax. Spending twenty minutes with my husband laughing about the kind of people who come to hotels to watch unlimited porn titles such as “Ranks and Skanks”, “Tosh Hole” and “Mommies Gone Bad”= priceless.
3- The Blue Pear restaurant is unquestionably one of the finest dining establishments in our city. From the exquisite five-course meal, all the way down to the exceptional customer service, the entire evening was flawless and well worth every penny spent. If you haven’t had the pleasure of dining here, we strongly recommend it.
4- Fat Franks at Canadian Tire Westpoint runs out of all the good smokies by 3pm. Bastards.
5- Replacing a flat tire on a long weekend is significantly more difficult than one would anticipate.
6- No matter how many afterschool specials and safety commercials we were exposed to in our youth, some 20-something hot shot moron must always prove his manliness by diving into 0.6m of water directly in front of the NO DIVING sign. These idiots somehow never die, despite their best intentions.
7- The City of Edmonton has a LOT of work to do when it comes to “revitalizing” the downtown core with the new arena. Here, the prostitutes start as early as 6pm, and as young as about 14. A very somber reminder that some people in our city are not as fortunate as we are and are spending their weekends very differently.
And just as an added bonus:
8- Mommy misses her baby, but she’s holding up way better than she thought she would. Daddy is proud.
See y’all tomorrow!