Monday, September 2, 2013

Day 13: On battles on the homefront

This one is going to be short.  Honestly, I have too much on my plate today to write a long, engaging post. So instead, a short mini vent.

A lot of Sam's specialized programing happens in the home.  For the past year, every two weeks we had a visit from our Early Intervention counsellor, Bev. Now, as we prepare for school, we also prepare for the barrage of additional people coming into our home to "help".

Don't get me wrong. These programs are great, and helpful, and I am sure that many parents love that there are house calls. But this introvert isn't one of them.

I *hate* having strangers in my home.  Even then, hate may not be a strong enough word. I loathe it, with every fibre of my being. It makes me want to wretch just thinking of it.

The sheer amount of stress that goes into one of these visits in insane. It is hugely invasive, disrupts not only my schedule but Sam and Charlie's as well and makes me feel an obligation to play hostess while simultaneously having every aspect of my home and parenting examined under a microscopic lense.

To call it invasive is putting it mildly. It borders on investigatory. And it gives me the shakes.

So tonight, I am on my third anxiety attack. Jason spent the whole day cleaning. We are both exhausted, and hardly even got any time to play with Sam what with preparing for the home visit. (That, my friends, is irony.)

So all you people bitching about the government spying on your facebook activity, give a thought to those of us who are innundated by the "system" on a near continual basis. From here on in, I will need to justify every parenting decision I make to a "team" of specialists who all pretend that I am "in charge".

But let's not kid ourselves. They are the keepers of the services. So if I want them, I'd better be prepared to play ball and conform or my child will go without.

As far as options go, these choices suck.

Mama Zita

*Edited to add:

Please do not mistake my whining for the belief that these services are not a) amazing, b) necessary for Sam (and everyone in the family), c) generally pleasant and filled with wonderful people who work their buns off to help make our lives better. I am grateful for the opportunities we are given.  Just frustrated by my own social anxieties amd obsessive compulsive behaviors that make these meetings challenging for me.

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