Friday, October 12, 2012

Thanksgiving Challenge #12: Fragile

I had my mid-pregnancy anatomy scan this morning.  

For most expectant moms, this is an exciting day! Many will "see" their babies for the very first time.  This is the moment that their pregnancy starts to feel "real". 

I remember that feeling. It was how I felt when I went in for Sammie's anatomy scan. 

February 5th, 2010. 

A day I'll never forget. 

It was a wonderful day. Our baby was so beautiful that we cried the whole time. 

We basked in our new parent-to-be joy for three days. 72 hours. And then it came crashing down. 

I received a phone call at work that would change my life forever. It was my doctor, telling me that the ultrasound has revealed "serious abnormalities." Usually, he would have asked us to come into his office but he was leaving for Mexico for two weeks and we had to "act quickly" if we were going to "do anything". 

My baby's heart had a pericardial effusion.  And there appeared to be effusions on his lungs, and 'unknown spots' on his brain as well. To make matters, the ultrasound also showed that he had a single umbilical artery.  All of these, combined with some complications with my own organs led my medical team to one, terrifying conclusion:  The baby had no hope of survival. 

Even if Sammie made it through the pregnancy, which we were told was doubtful, the chances of him being healthy enough to have a high "quality of life" were questionable.  

Standing there in my office, surrounded by my young staff, I was told by my doctor that we should strongly consider “termination”. 

Thankfully, Jason and I were agreed that termination not the right decision for us. After years of struggling with infertility, we simply could not ever envision willfully parting with our child. 

Most of you know the rest of the story.  After a traumatic end-of-pregnancy, resulting in my being hospitalized for over a month, Sammie was born prematurely.  

He was tiny. But he was perfect.  

No heart problems. No lung problems. No brain problems. 

No chronic life threatening diseases. No syndromes. No death-prognosis. 

Today, we as we went through our scan for BabyToo, the experience was quite different. The fear, the trepidation, the panic was palpable.  But in the end, the results were so much better.  With the exception of a few issues to follow up on, the scan came back clearly as: "You have a health looking baby". 

And while I'm thankful beyond belief for that information, a part of me is equally thankful for the experience that we gained from Sammie.  I think that the appreciation of the delicateness and fragility of the human life process is so much more real to me now than it ever could have been. I feel more connected now than I ever have before. 

I can not- will not- take my babies' health for granted ever again.  

And that's the deepest kind of gratitude. 

"Baby Too"- 19 Week Scan

Word Count: 500

This is post is part of the October Thanksgiving Challenge. I will post a new Thank You blog post every day during the month of October. I encourage you to follow Kevin, the mastermind of this challenge at and fellow blogger Natasha at And, if you're up to it, consider doing your own challenge, big or small, to remind yourself to focus on the many blessings in your life.  I've also added a slight 'writing' component to this month's challenge: No posts are to exceed 500 words.  

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