I am working really hard lately at finding my drive again, that inner sense of push towards accomplishment. I used to be an extremely "accomplished" person. I did a lot, and most of it I did rather well. Whether it was sitting on a dozen committees or pounding out a 20 page paper in two days and still acing it, I was known for being able to "do" a lot, usually in a small amount of time.
But when I got sick, nine years ago, all of my drive got refocused into "getting better" and life, in all its craziness, kind of kept up that pace of 'survival is enough' since then.
But now, six years in remission, I am finding that I am done with acting like I am still in "survival" mode. I want to thrive, flourish and adore life the way I used to.
So I am setting myself "me" focused goals, focusing on reigniting passions that I'd long abandoned. Music, writing, even physical activity, have become new journeys of rediscovery.
And to do this, I sometimes have to force myself to accomplish, even when I don't always feel up to it.
So tonight is another exercise in follow through, and a small step towards that goal. I committed to blogging, 30 days, no matter what.
And so tonight, you get rambles. The words don't mean all that much. But the fact that I wrote them means everything.