Day 5: On little things...

A day spent sharing smiles and laughs with my mom and sister over tea.

The careful tottering of my nephew as he bravely works towards his first steps.

My son's shining face when he greets me at the door after a long night away.

My daughter's shy giggle as she hears me sneeze from across the room.

The clanging of pots and pans as my husband washes the dishes after a meal well enjoyed.

The ticking of the clock slowly making its way to bedtime.

The knowledge that Big Brother 15 is patiently waiting to whisk me away into an hour of escapist bliss.

The glow of my phone, softly lighting up my little girl's face as I nurse her down to sleep.

The spinning of the fan cooling me off after a hot summer day.

The knowledge that I will fall asleep in the arms of my love.

There are too many things in life worth being grateful for to ever feel sorry for myself.

Not today, anyway...

Mama Zita

Day 4: On rolling with the punches

Parenthood, by definition, demands a certain amount of flexibility. We all know that kids- and life in general- seem to have their own opinions on what should happen, where and when.

This is all the more true when you are parenting a kiddo with special needs; and exponentially more so when that special need is autism.

For those less familiar with autism, one of the dominant characteristics is that children on the spectrum thrive on routine and consistency.  Of course, life is seldom consistent, thus making this a feat much harder to predict than one would expect. A simple deviation can- and usually does- lend itself to a domino effect of epic proportions, sometimes for the better and sometimes not so much.

In order to survive, you have to learn quickly how to roll with the punches.  If everyone comes out no worse for the wear, then you chalk it up to as a good day. But, like in boxing, attitude is half the battle.

As someone who has been diagnosed as OCD, this is a daily struggle for me...but I am learning.  Today was one of those days where I won that battle...based solely on the decision that it would be a good day, no matter what.

A few days ago, Jason decided that I needed a break.  Knowing that a real break away wasn't feasible, due in large part to a super attached, breastfeeding baby, he planned a super fun day of family time mixed in with relaxation.

The day had an itinerary- probably the first sign that very little would go as planned.

The first item on the agenda was letting me sleep in and having breakfast served in bed. On a perfect day, that would have happened. Sadly, Charlie- the demanding ginger that she is- had another plan in mind. She awoke, early by even her standards, with a teething induced fever. So my sleep in was cut short as I nursed her calm. But a lovely breakfast was served to me, in the recliner, as I enjoyed a pvr'd episode of Next Top Model. Not quite the plan, but winning nonetheless.

Our next event was a morning of fun adventures at the John Janzen Nature Centre. Having never been before, this item had been on my bucket list for years. So we packed the kids up and took them out.

A month of sleeplessness has been playing havoc with Sam's mood, so we were literally navigating a minefield almost the entire time. But, we did manage to catch a glimpse of the steam train rolling by, which I know brought my kiddo tremendous joy. Were there meltdowns? Sure. But overall, he seemed to enjoy the experience. Another win.

Heading home for naptime, Sam fell asleep in the car. No biggie, right? Wrong. He failed to transition out from the car to the bed, resulting in a nap delay of almost two hours. Finally, Jason took him for another drive while I attended to the teething soul-sucker. But, we finally got her napped and, when Jason returned with Sam, he was out cold too. Both kids sleeping, albeit in unusual circumstances? Win.

For the next step in our adventure, we were supposed to head off for a bit of retail therapy followed by a family swim.  Swimming usually goes very smoothly and helps Sam regulate his senses for the evening wind down, so it was a good activity to follow his sensitive morning.

Since Sam was still asleep in the car, our retail therapy turned into me rushing into the store to buy a new outfit while dad worked hard at keeping the baby entertained in her car seat. It was rushed, and I didn't try it on.  But I got it home and it fits. So what do we call that? You guessed it: winning.

Swimming went pretty much as smoothly as we'd hoped, with both kids enjoying the activity immensely.  Once we'd wrapped up, it was time to head over to Mamelie's (aka "I don't DO "Grandma") to drop off a happy little Sam-Sam a sleep over, his very favourite thing in the world.

By this time, we were running a fair amount late (according to our "itinerary") so we rushed home to change for dinner. I got all dolled up just in time for Charlie to have an epic teething meltdown. We knew that it would be unfair to her (and the other restaurant guests) to go out again with her in this state, so I nursed her to sleep while Jason made some cocktails and called up the fancy restaurant to order our dinner to go.

So now, I am waiting for my husband to return with our Styrofoam packages containing meats too fine to ever be places in Styrofoam.  I've set the table with our finest china. I've decanted a nice bottle of red and I am perusing the movies on Video On Demand to mimic as closely as possible what used to be called " Date Night".

It's been an usual day, and I'm not sure I could call it relaxing. My house is trashed and I am bone tired.

BUT...I spent a day with the three people I love the most in the world. I laughed a lot. I watched my husband do some exceptional parenting. I watched my kids faces lit up in glee at the sound of trains and running water. I got some sunshine in. And everyone is going to bed happy, healthy and feeling loved.

So yes, despite the craziness and despite the ups and downs, today was a great day. It was the kind of day that life was made for, full of little joys and surprises. It was a day that confirmed everything I believe in, in terms of family, parenting and perspective. It was a day that I was grateful to be alive.

And that, my friends, is the very definition of winning.

Mama Zita

Day 3: On Giving

Lately, I have had several people comment to me how much my marriage with Jason inspires them in their own relationships. Of all the compliments I could ever recieve, this one is the most welcomed and the most humbling. 

Of all the things in my life that I have poured myself into (and there are a fair amount of them...I've always been the 'passionate' type), being Jason's wife has been the most important to me. It forms the basis for all other aspects of my life: who I am as a parent, as a friend, and as a person.

I don't know any wise secrets to "happy marriages"- to be honest, I think that luck plays a much larger factor than most would want to admit- but I do know this: I learned almost everything I believe in from a handful of stories from my youth. Like, I am sure, all other avid readers out there, we have each encountered stories and characters who impacted us in ways that we could never have predicted when we first opened the book.

In my case, there are three stories that framed my worldview of romantic relationships.  These, possibly more than any other factor, inspire me to live my marriage by certain codes. In a rare moment of intimacy (or as intimate as one can really be on a blog), I'd like to share these stories with you.

The Giving Tree:
For those unfamiliar with Shel Silverstein, I have but this to say: Get thee to the nearest book store and pick up anything you can by this famous children's author. His stories, generally marked with a certain amount of sardonic wit, are beautiful forays into human nature.

The Giving Tree is perhaps Silversteins tour de force, his opus if you will. Put simply, it is the story of a "boy who loved a tree" and she loved him. In this story, the tree literally gives the boy everything she has to give, asking for nothing in return but love.

Truth be told, it is more a story about parenthood than it is about marriage, but it taught me about unconditional love

When I was a child, I thought this book was very sad, mostly because the tree was never given anything in return. But as I grew and matured, I better understood the message: that giving to someone you love is, in and of itself, a gift to yourself.  That love is the precious gift one can receive, and that it is worth sacrificing everything to have. This has created for me the foundation upon which I build my relationships. I want to be a giver.  And I want to surround myself with other givers.

Anne of Green Gables/Anne of Avonlea/ Anne of the Island

Ok, ok...I know that this is actually three books.  But it is one story, the story of a love unfolding from acquaintance, to enemy, to friend and- finally- to love.

Those who know our story wouldn't have to search hard to see the similarities between Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne and Gilbert's progression and Jason and mine's marriage. We too followed this exact progression over the course of eight long years. We met and were instantly intrigued by the other. We quarelled and spent several years believing that we hated each other. We were reunited in friendship, in one of the most unpredictable ways, when I fell ill with cancer. Through the illness, we grew to understand that we had transcended from friends to lovers. We've now been married five years, and have once doubted that this was the ending our story was meant to have.

"I don't want sunburst or marble halls", Anne finally tells her lover, whom she had previously rebuked because their friendship seemed too 'quaint'.

"All I want is you."

And with that, I came to realize that the love story lived in person would always trump the fantasy in my head. And I knew that I could never settle for anyone who was not also my very best friend.

The Gift of the Magi

I can not read this story without crying. It is quite literally impossible for me. I believe it to be a perfect piece of literature, and is without a doubt my favourite short story of all time.

Along the lines of The Giving Tree, O. Henry's story tells a tale of unconditional love. But this time, our characters are poor and madly in love. Without any money to buy each other gifts for Christmas, each character gives up their most prized possession in exchange fir buying the perfect gift for their loved one, ironically, rendering the gifts useless.

A little sad, and a lot bittersweet, our heroes remind us that when you love someone you give them everything you have. Like Anne learned, this is more than riches and luxury- it is the gift of oneself.

But what Henry also underscored is that true love is reciprocal. It is the original "gift that keeps on giving" because your loved one wants to return the love to you as unconditionally as you give it to them.

This truth, above all others, enlightened me as to what marriage should be about, and it is what I strive towards every day.

I can not properly express the joy and gratefulness that I feel for having found a partner like Jason. Sometimes it feels like we've been through it all together. Of course, then life has a way of reminding us just how untrue that is. There are many obstacles to face, many more bridges to cross and challenges to overcome. But, I am not afraid of these, because the foundation of my life is rooted in a love so deep that it overcomes against all odds. It is rooted in the giving fully, unconditionally and whole-heartedly to another human being, and the peace that comes from having this trust returned to you.

I'm not saying we're perfect- not by a long shot. But we are happy. And that feels pretty perfect.

So, sappy as it might be, I will always consider my marriage to be the rock upon which I build my life. As long as we have each other, and the family that our love has built, I will never be lacking.

Mama Zita

Day 2: On nostalgia

It's Throwback Thursday, so I thought I would share one of my favourite pictures of Sammie.

While I was uploading it, I noticed that it was taken the week of his 6 month birthday.

Seeing as we just celebrated Charlize's 6 month birthday this week, I thought I'd recreate the moment.

Here are my two kiddos, each enjoying a bubble bath. They may look a lot alike, bit these two kiddos are night and day different.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.  :)

Enjoy!

Mama Zita

Day 1: On not looking a gift horse in the mouth

I had a great post lined up for tonight. I spent all day thinking about it and writing it in my head. Sadly, a more pressing post must be written.

You see, last night was the first night in over two weeks that Sam slept through the night.  Now, unlike most kids, Sam's version of night waking doesn't involve a few pats on the back and then falling back asleep. 

No, when Sam wakes up, he does it style.  Usually each waking period lasts from 3 to six hours, thus resulting in less than a total of five hours of sleep in the whole night.  When he wakes, he needs to work it out by jumping on his trampoline and playing for a few hours before settling back down.

So, between him and my six month old teething baby, I've been running on so little sleep that I am refusing to drive because I do not believe I have all my faculties present to do so.

But tonight, he has napped well and will hopefully sleep easily.  Charlie has just gone down and I have a chance to catch a few precious hours before the potential for a five am playtime rears its ugly head.

As much as I'd like to write something interesting and involved, I have learned that I can't afford to pass these hours up for any reason. So I am going to bed, my interesting post still safely drafted in my head for another night.  Tonight, all I care about is getting some rest.

You take what you can get, and appreciate what you've been given.  This horse is a welcome gift, and I'm going to ride it right into La-La Land.

Good night, folks!

Mama Zita

Disclaimer: On labels, autism and expediency

A quick disclaimer before leaping into the summer blog challenge:

Sammie has been diagnosed with a severe communication delay. He also has some traits that may result in a diagnosis of autism. At this time, under the advice of our doctors and neurologists, we are holding back on diagnosing officially for autism as there are some conditions that we would like to rule out first.  However, I am tired of people equating this decision with somehow not "coming to terms" with Sammie's condition or being otherwise in denial. I assure you that I have been fully aware of Sammie's delays for well over two years and that our resistence has been based on medical and psychological assessments, not on a fear of the word "autism".

To satisfy the masses and in order to save myself the wasted breath of going over this explanation ad nauseum with every person I talk to, Jason and I have started simply referring to Sammie's delays as "autism", for lack of better words. This changes nothing for Sammie (who is still not diagnosed with autism and will not be probably until after his 4th birthday) or for us, since we are able to access (either through the government or out of pocket) all the therapies, treatments and tools Sammie requires in order to succeed.

The only people who are changed by our using the term "autism" are those who are so intent on attaching a label to a three year old child that they can not comprehend why we would resist it. If having a label to call Sammie makes you feel better, more understanding or more aware of his reality, then that's cool I guess.  No skin off my back.

So, for the purpose of expediency let's just say "Sammie who has autism". But please bear in mind that this is not a fully accurate description.

Thanks!

Mama Zita

Summer Blog Challenge: Take 3

Well, it's here again. The summer blog challenge starts tomorrow. From August 21st until September 21st (the last day of summer, and presumably the first day of "Alberta Winter"), I will be posting a daily blog post. This may seem funny from someone who has not updated her blog since April, but I've done it two years prior now, so I guess that makes it a tradition.

This year, I suspect may be a touch different than years past. I will probably focus significantly more time writing about our lives now, a topic which has changed dramatically in the last twelve months. With the addition of a second baby, being back on mat leave, navigating the scary and complex world of special needa parenting, getting ready for Sammie to start school, I suspect there will be much to talk about.

I am committed to posting daily.  That is all.  No word limits, no special topics, no guidelines or rules. Some days, you may get an essay. Other days might only bring a picture or a quote. But I will post. Probably from bed, while I nurse my baby and try to ignore my three year old jumping on the bed

Follow along if you'd like.  I promise to make your life seem a lot more normal. ;)

Momma Zita